thud thud thud thud thud…
i’m at a nightclub a few days from midsummer.
thud thud thud thud thud thud…
i can only barely think, the sound overwhelming. i’m dreading the next place on the crawl, since the clubs and bars only got louder and harsher as the night went on.
thud thud thud thud…
it seemed like a good idea looking at the sign up sheet in the hostel. so many regrets.
thud thud thud-
i break out of the loudest part of the dancefloor and duck and dive through the cloud to get to the bar. one last attempt to enjoy the night. not really knowing what to expect from the menu i attempt to order rum and cola, surely they can’t mess that up? the bartender, a man in his mid or late twenties, nods slightly. i don’t really know if he heard me correctly. seconds later he grabs the right ingredients and i feel a palpable relief.
drink in hand i edge my way towards one of the empty tables near the bar, on arrival a woman from the hostel joins me, i don’t know her name but her long blonde hair flows past her shoulders, and one look from her blue eyes pierces through me. in the hostel she spoke to me about all the clubs she went to in rotterdam. she’s the last person i want to see.
thud thud thud…
having a good time?
i lie.
cool, we’re going to the next place, coming with?
i lie again.
awesome, i’ll see you there.
nope.
thud thud thud thud thud thud thud…
i start sipping at my drink. the cool, sweet liquid helps but realistically makes very little headway against my desire to leave. i watch the others from the hostel leave, and wait a few minutes to be safe.
thud thud thud thud thud…
i finally leave and feel the fresh outside air. the thudding dulls and then finally stops, and i walk towards the hostel. on making it to the hostel, i go to the bar, order a cide, and to my surprise see the woman from the club. we both become keenly aware of our dishonesty. i ask her why she didn’t keep the night going.
oh, as soon as i got outside i just wasn’t feeling it.
given her anecdotes and past exploits i was surprised. i found myself paying more attention as the conversation continued.
yeah, but i guess i’m getting older now. maybe i should just, like, go to the cathedral early tomorrow instead. if someone else is.
i was planning to go alone. but her last sentence is cuts deeper into me than i expected. i look up from my drink and briefly make eye contact, her eyes still vivid blue in the dull light of an empty hostel. i ask if she would come with me.
awesome, i’ll see you tomorrow.
i tell her i'm looking forward to it. this time, i’m telling the truth.